1.  Being Unprepared.  If you are going into a scheduled negotiation, you have to be prepared.  Otherwise you will fluster easily, can lose sight of your goal and become easily duped.   Take the time to write down what you want, why you want it and what you are willing to compromise.  And practice saying it out loud.  Even if it’s to your cat.  You’ll be much more comfortable on the day of.

2.  All or Nothing.  Having the attitude of ‘it’s my way or the highway’ will yield bad results.  Put yourself into the other person’s shoes.  You are both there to reach an agreement that is acceptable to you both.  A Win-Win. And sometimes that means compromise.  You should have it written down what you are willing to compromise.

3. Ultimatums.  Trying to tell the other person there’s only 2 options is a guaranteed road to failure.  There is always a 3^rd option and that’s hitting the road, leaving nothing accomplished.  Have many options in your head, starting with the most desirable.  And listen to the other person.  Don’t shoot down the negotiations before they’ve really started.

4. Focusing on ‘What’ Instead of ‘Why’.  If all you see is the big fat salary raise your employee is asking for, you’ll be missing important information.  Ask questions.  Find out why they want it.  Maybe they are looking to buy a house or are expanding their family.  Or they’ve been at the company awhile and feel they deserve it.  Listening more will give you a leg up because you’ll have detailed information to discuss.

5. Losing Your Cool.  It can be hard to keep emotions out of the equation when you’re negotiating things like the sale of your home or a salary raise.  You feel passionate about it.  But nothing will lose you the upper hand in negotiating like visibly getting upset (especially if the other person is a skilled negotiator).  Try and think of the discussions as a business transaction and not a personal one.  Keep your head above the conversation.  If something angers you, stop and ask yourself why.  And give yourself a reminder to stay calm.  It will benefit you tremendously.

Of course, like with everything, practice makes perfect.  Even if it’s negotiating with your spouse over what movie to watch, you can quickly become very skilled at it.  And it can even be fun.

Related posts:

1. Overcoming Your Fear of Negotiation
2. Eight Steps to a Successful Negotiation
3. Negotiation Letters

For starters take a few deep breaths, sip some tea and remind yourself that you deserve what you’re asking for.  When you can see straight again, know that you have a secret weapon.  Oh yes, the weapon of body language.  By knowing what your body is conveying, and also the other person’s, you can quickly gain the upper hand.  Body language is tied to our thoughts, not so much our words.

Below is a list of hints that will guide you in knowing what the person you’re negotiating with is thinking.  By making yourself familiar with them, judging and sizing up your opponent can become second nature.

Hand On Cheek vs. Hand Under Chin

When you’re speaking your case, if they put their hand on their cheek, then they’re absorbed and interested in what you’re saying! Keep it up.

However, if their hand is under their chin (holding up their head) generally they are bored and you’ve lost their interest.  Try quickly to gain it back.

Chin Stroking vs. Lint Picking

When you begin testing the waters and start broaching the heart of what you are negotiating for, watch the other person.  If they start stroking their chin, they are about to make a decision.  If they are looking at you in the eye, they are seriously considering your proposal.  Again, this is a good sign so pay attention!

On the other hand if they start picking at invisible lint on their clothes, you’re in muddy waters.  Generally this signifies that they disagree or disapprove with what you’re saying but they feel hesitant to voice it.  This is a great time to ask them how they’re feeling.

Tilting vs. Scratching

Alright, you’ve laid it all on the table (in a very gracious and charming way of course).  As you are wrapping it up, the other person tilts their head as they’re listening.  This is a great sign! They are engaged and interested.  Tilt your head back.  This is a non verbal sign that you are both in agreement.

Wait.  They have an itch. Their ear, nose, neck.  Wow they are really itchy.  Usually, scratching is a sign of deceit.  It deliberately breaks eye contact by performing a seemingly normal function.  It’s a tricky one.  This is usually a good time to ask a direct and forward question.  One that they can’t side step by having a convenient scratch.

Women vs. Men

Do men and women negotiate differently?  You betcha.  One of the biggest differences? Head nodding.  Men tend to nod their head while negotiating only when they agree.  Women, though, will nod their head to acknowledge that they are listening.  But it doesn’t necessarily mean they agree.  So it’s best to ask rather than assume someone agrees with what you’re saying.

Aside from being extremely valuable in negotiations, reading body language can be really fun.  You will start to see how much someone’s gestures reveal what they are really thinking.

“What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Related posts:

1. Negotiating With Your…..Dog
2. Negotiating like a Big Fish
3. Negotiating Credit Card Interest Rates

In the last 20 years, things have changed.  Before, there were fewer vehicles than customers.  This gave the dealerships tremendous power.  It was all about supply and demand.  However, with advances in manufacturing technology, there are now more cars than customers.  This gives you the power.  Add onto that the current economic crisis means the dealerships are starved for business.   Below are some tips to being a smart buyer and walking away with a deal you can be proud of.

1. Know your ceiling.  If you’ve done your research, you know what the car you want is going for.  You have to know the max amount you are willing to spend.  Even if its $1000’s below the sticker price.
2. Be willing to walk away.  With supply higher than demand, you can always find another car.  Be willing to walk if the dealership won’t give you the price you want.  A lot of the time, the salesman won’t let you leave and will agree to your price.
3. Secure financing elsewhere.  The salesman gets a commission if they get you to finance through their dealership.  And it’s almost always a higher interest rate than you could secure at a bank or credit union.  It’s smart to get preapproved prior to walking into the dealership. And you can use it as leverage when negotiating a price.  Telling them that you are only approved for ‘this’ amount gives you more ammunition.
4. Don’t trade your car in.  One of the most common salesman gimmicks is to raise the ‘wholesale’ trade in price of your car, leading you to believe you’re getting a great deal.  However, they make up for it by tacking on ‘extra’ options at a high price or raising the interest rate if you are financing through them.  If you decide to trade your car in, check the Kelley Blue Book price for it and ask the trade in to be a separate transaction.  Insist on two invoices, one for the trade in and one for the purchase so you can see exactly what you’re getting for your old car and paying for the new one.
5. Take emotion out of the equation.  Even if you have the nicest salesman on the planet, they are only thinking of profit.  It’s their job.  You should think the same.  Don’t feel bad about getting a deal.  And don’t let their charming nature break down your resolve.  This is a lot of money you are investing and it’s a business transaction.  Period.
6. Give yourself plenty of time.  If you have it in your head that you need to buy right this minute, you’re more likely to pay a higher price.  Go into it allowing at least a week to make a decision.  Get several quotes from dealerships.

While purchasing a vehicle can be a hassle, the end result is well worth the work.   Going into it with a confident and calm attitude will ensure success.  “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” Robert Frost

Related posts:

1. Negotiate! What are you afraid of?
2. How To Negotiate Your Dental Bill
3. How to Negotiate Selling a House in a Buyers Market

1. Have Other Options If you are thinking of putting an offer on a house without a back up plan, or best alternative to no agreement (BATNA), take a step back. This is an essential piece to a successful negotiation. Maybe you have already sold your house, moved to a new city for a job, or your “dream house” just came on the market. No matter what your excuse, you should have another option before opening the table for negotiations. Find a couple of other houses that are in the running, just in case your plan to offer the 10% below listed price, doesn’t go as you’ve hoped. It is also smart to tactfully slip that you have your eye on other homes in the area.

2. Keep Your Cards Close The basics of negotiation teach us never to reveal your position. One way to successfully do this is to use an experienced buyer’s agent. They will effectively act as your hidden table and emotions about the property will be unknown. Make sure that the agent you hire is one that you can trust and will work for your best interest, no matter what. Be aware that the more that you buy a house for, the larger the commission check they will receive, since they are paid a percentage of the purchase price.

3. Check Title History The title will normally tell you the outstanding loans against a property. This can give you a good indication of a seller’s bottom line, or what they can sell you the house for without walking away actually owning money. Keep in mind that if a seller has a private loan through friend or family member, the outstanding loan may not be reflected. Also remember that the seller will also having to pay closing costs which average 4%-7% of the purchase price.

4. Check Comparable Properties Do your market research to reflect your offer based on what has sold in the last three to six months in the neighborhood, not what is currently listed on the market. You may be pleasantly surprised that houses which have recently sold in many parts of the country are much lower than actively listed comparable properties. What this means is that sellers are receiving offers much lower than their listed prices and accepting them. Don’t be afraid to lowball in this extreme buyer’s market.

5. Leave Your Ego at the Door Ultimately you want to buy the house and the sellers want to sell it to you. If you find the house you like, the market value is appropriate, and it is within your budget, don’t let the negotiation over a couple thousand dollars get in your way. Some real estate buyers get so caught up in the negotiation game they may miss out on the opportunity to owning their dream house because they want to “beat” the seller. If you find your pride swelling during negotiations, take the time to look at the big picture. Would you really want to lose the house just to win the game?

Related posts:

1. How to Negotiate Selling a House in a Buyers Market
2. Top 10 Salary Negotiation Tips
3. Using the Lowball Tactic when Negotiating

Using letters or emails, allows you to have more time crafting your message.  If you are a naturally amiable person, then face to face negotiations may not be your strong suit.  If you  want the gravity of your message to sink in before they respond, using a letter may be the right choice.  An of course if you are dealing with a mindless machine of a company (Credit Reporting Bureaus) a letter may be your only option.

Before you put pen to paper or open up Outlook, be sure you have done your preparation.  Understand what your BATNA is, where you want your set point to be, and what emotion you want the other side to feel.  Once you have done all the prep work, then you are ready to get started writing.  Using written correspondence is almost like using the hidden table.  The letter is like Friday from Dragnet, “Just the facts, ma’am.”

Here are a few sample letters to get the mental ball rolling:

Career Negotiation Letter – To spur a response after a job interview

Dear _________,

Thank you for the interview last week.  I am interested in a position at your company.  However, I wanted to let you know that I received another offer.  It is a position at another company that interests me.
I just wanted to check in with you to see where you are in the decision process.  I need to respond to their offer by the end of the week.

Sincerely,

Just something to put a little pressure on them.  Plus it paints you as an in-demand candidate.

Salary Negotiation Letter – To create a set point before the process begins.

Dear__________,

Thanks for the offer.  I really would like to work for your company.  I was expecting a different salary number.  I look forward to talking to you more about it in person.  I just wanted to show more of what I was thinking before we meet.

At ____________ my Salary was ____________ and my benefits were __________.  I do have other offers that are very competitive at ______________.

Again I do want to work for you.  We should talk about this more in person.  Are you available this week?

Sincerely,

Debt Negotiation Letter – Negotiating a lower payment.

Dear__________,

I understand that I owe a debt to your company in the total of $________.  I am facing a financial hardship currently, but would like to continue making payments towards my debt.  I can afford to pay $______ each month until my debt is paid or my financial situation improves.

I do not dispute my debt to your company and I would like to stand by my agreements when I borrowed the money.  My financial hardship has taken me by surprise and I am doing my best to honor my commitments.  I have include a check for the first payment.  I hope that you will accept my offer.  Please respond and let me know.

Sincerely,

Negotiating with the heavy weights in the credit departments over then phone can be very intimidating.  Sometimes a letter is a little easier on your mind and can be very effective, especially if you send it with a check.

While using letters and emails to negotiate can be the right tactic.  Don’t use a letter when face to face would be better.  Letters should be used when they are an advantage, not to avoid conflict.  If avoiding conflict is your goal, take a look at why you are afraid.  What is your fear based on?  If you still think you should avoid the face to face conflict then go ahead with the letter.

One last piece of advice:  Have someone else read your letter.  Don’t tell them anything before hand, just let them read it cold.  Then ask them how it comes across.  They will be able to tell you if your message is clear or if it sounds too harsh and cold.

Related posts:

1. How to Start a Negotiation Blog
2. Goal Setting: Negotiation Preparation Part V
3. Top 10 Salary Negotiation Tips

What makes someone an expert negotiator? Is it their charm, eloquence, persuasiveness, or clever maneuvers that help them sway the other side? These characteristics can undoubtedly help in the process, but the foundation for a winning negotiation is proper preparation.

Unfortunately, systematic planning is not something that many do naturally. Most of us would rather rush to seek a solution and deal with the issue “head-on”, instead of taking the time to plan out our strategy. Even if we do set aside the time to plan, our process is often inadequate and our weaknesses can rear their ugly heads at the worst of times. Consider the following questions to assess your preparedness for the next negotiation you encounter:

Do You Really Know What You Want? Many negotiators do not set clear objectives of what they want out of the negotiation. If the other side offered you a slightly different package than the one you were planning to accept, would you know what to do? You may have overlooked other possibilities for acceptable outcomes of the negotiation because you were narrowly focused. When the other party rearranges their offer you are unable to adequately evaluate the positives and negatives, because you were simply not prepared to consider them.

Have You Done Your Research? Without research you will be unable to identify your own strengths and weaknesses and those of the other party. Without this prior knowledge, you will be flying by the seat of your pants to rebut their argument and support yours.

Are You Depending on Your Charm and Cleverness Alone? These traits will not be helpful if the other side has done their homework and is prepared to wear you down by delaying, or otherwise holding firm on their position. If the other side claims that what you are proposing is illegal or inefficient, these characteristics may even have the opposite of the intended effect.

In this series on negotiation preparation over the next couple of weeks, we will walk you through how to tackle your next negotiation by following these steps: Define Issues and Interest, Consulting with Others, Identifying Your BATNA, Goal Setting, Supporting Your Argument, Analyzing the Other Party, Putting it all Together.

Related posts:

1. Putting it all Together: Negotiation Preparation Part VIII
2. Analyzing the Other Side: Negotiation Preparation Part VII
3. Supporting Your Argument: Negotiation Preparation Part VI

The lawyer tactic may be successfully employed by using the following techniques:

· Persistently interrogate until you get the information you need.

· Logically argue your case to rationally show why you are right (and the other party is wrong).

· Stick to the letter of the law and surprise the other party by mentioning obscure rules and regulations.

· Fight for causes that are moral and upright.

Example

I live in Seattle, city of dog worship. There are more dogs than children here. Alongside babies being pushed along in their strollers, you will see pup’s in their customized carriages. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against dogs, but when their owners bluntly disregard health and safety laws, do I have a problem.

There are several shops in my community that allow dogs, even welcome them, inside their doors. Some stores do not, or cannot, let dogs inside. Namely grocery stores, restaurants, or anywhere food is involved. Regardless of posted signs, dog owners still bring their dogs to ices cream shops, bakeries, and meat markets. A health hazard waiting to happen! There are laws that are suppose to stop this kind of thing from happening, but I think most of the shop owners are too scared to that they’ll offend.

We need some kind of uprising, if you will, to protect the health and safety of our children. Now you may think I am being too harsh, but I have known many-a-child that has been attacked by a dog. Instead of waiting the shop owners to mention the offense I think like-minded community members should ban together and educate ourselves on the letter of the law, so that we are prepared to confront citizens when they make a doggie fax paw.

~On a side note, a new shop just opened down the street that offers ice cream and doggie daycare. This brings a new meaning to “hair of the dog”.

Related posts:

1. Analyzing the Other Side: Negotiation Preparation Part VII

The following three step process is a fast and simple way to reach agreements on minor matters:

Open: State your case

Bargain: Work out an agreement

Close: Finalize the deal

Examples

You want to host guy’s poker night at your house. Open-You tell your wife that you want to host so that you won’t have to leave the house and can spend more time with her. Bargain-Your wife agrees that it’s okay as long as the guy’s don’t smoke and they clean-up after themselves. Close-You agree to her wishes and call the guys to let them know that poker night is on!

Your daughter wants to go to the park and your son want to go swimming for family fun day. There is only time to do one of the two activities. Open-You ask each child to say why they what to do each activity. Bargain-Your son states a better case and you tell your daughter that she can choose the next family activity. Close-Your daughter complies and you all have a great time at the pool!

Related posts:

1. Job Offer Negotiations: Boosting the Base [Pay] Benefits Your Benefits

1. Prepare: Do your research ahead of time to so that you know your opponent and you know what you want from the negotiation.

2. Open: Let the other side know what you want and let them tell you what they want.

3. Argue: Back-up your case with evidence and uncover defects in their argument.

4. Explore: Search for common ground and agreeable outcomes.

5. Signal: Show that you are ready to reach an agreement.

6. Package: Put together different acceptable options for both parties.

7. Close: Come to an agreement and finalize the negotiation.

8. Sustain: Ensure that their side, and yours, follows through with the negotiated agreement.

In practice, these steps will not be followed exactly. You may get stuck on one step, or go back to another. Starting off with a definite plan of attack gives the upper hand and confidence that you would not otherwise have had.

Tweak the process as the negotiation progresses, find your own style, and use what works best for you. There is no magic formula that will guarantee you come out on top every time, but practice, preparation and knowledge will skew the odds in your favor.

Related posts:

1. Goal Setting: Negotiation Preparation Part V
2. Consulting with Others: Negotiation Preparation Part III
3. Putting it all Together: Negotiation Preparation Part VIII

Practice Negotiating

Use non-threatening situations where the stakes are low to practice your negotiation skills. A garage sale is the perfect place to sharpen your skills, or even negotiate for the first time. The nice thing about garage sales is that most people expect you to negotiate. Consider the sticker price their first offer. Today I was garage selling and I overheard two women haggling over $0.50! No matter how little the amount, always try to get a better deal in these situations. You will walk away not only with a nice little knick-knack, but also a sense of accomplishment, no matter the outcome.

Prepare for your Negotiation

When you know that you will encounter a negotiation situation in the near future, practice what you are going to say and brainstorm and various outcomes. Bring your friends and family in on the deal as role play partners. You will both be benefiting from the experience and probably a good laugh in the process. There is no excuse for inadequate preparation in negotiation.

It’s Just Business!

Are you afraid of offending someone? If you are amiable person, like me, you may run into problem quite frequently. I would rather be polite than profit, but this usually works to my demise. A common situation where many run into this is at the office. They have to see these people every day, after all, and they don’t want to do anything to jeopardize workplace relationships. When it comes to asking for a raise or promotion you deserve sometimes being agreeable, or saying nothing, just don’t work. Familiar with the power of positive thinking, well without action on your part your plans will stay just that. You can only get what you ask for.

Got a story to tell about how you overcame your fear of negotiation?  Let us know in the Forum.

Related posts:

1. Eight Steps to a Successful Negotiation
2. Negotiation Letters
3. 5 Ways to Teach Kids Negotiation Skills